Today I feel like c*** because at 3.45 this morning I was outside my house, underdressed, and cold waiting for the fire brigade to tell me it was safe to go back inside.

In fact it was just a faulty smoke detector, but I was impressed by the arrival of no less than 3 fire appliances and blokes in breathing apparatus.

It may interest you to know that fire engines leak. This morning there are three frozen dribbles on the road outside our house. I guess if you lived REALLY far away from the fire station, there might be no water left by the time they arrived. But then if you were that far away, your house would maybe be gone by the time they arrived and they wouldn't need much water.